GET IN TO A
STATE OF MIND
The art of understanding your partner!
Women always want men to understand and cater to their needs and desires without expressing them. They should understand that men have no extra sensory perceptions but are mere humans.
Men complain women for speaking too much about petty things. That's how they function. Only when she lets out, she feels relieved. Men should increase their capacity to listen to women, though they keep repeating the same. Women feel better if men listen to them without getting frustrated.
Men usually sit alone silently to deal with their problems. Women misunderstand this and urge men to share their confusions as they do. This causes the man to yell on her. She now doesn't know the reason for his anger, because, from her point, she has only offered him help. Women should know that, men function so, and leave them alone at those times.
Men hate it when women give them ideas to improve. According to them, they are perfect and only broken things need improvement. So, when a women says him tips to improve, he assumes that his woman thinks that he's completely futile. Women should stop advising men, and start encouraging them for smaller things they do.
If a couple travel, and the husband drives, and is confused with the path, and ends up choosing the wrong one, inspite of his wife's advise to use Google maps, and reaches the destination later than needed, his wife should not shout at him, though he's wrong. Instead, she could thank him for the quality time he gifted her, that they spent alone, after years.
Men do not know what really a woman needs. They wrongly assume that their women will feel happy if they buy them their favourite sarees or ornaments. Yes, they like them. But those sarees and accessories are not their atmost happiness. They want acts of love, care and words of affection far more than those sarees.
Again, men pre assume that acts of love include buying the costliest kurti in the shop. Not again! They may love a cheaper kurti, but if men buy them, even without his woman expressing it, she loves it, because, women love when men fulfill their desires without expressing them. Men should develop their understanding of women's desires.
Women feel neglected when men do not appreciate their outfits. Men usually do not concentrate on making up themselves, but for women, they are delicate and so they keep making up with different techniques, longing for a word of appreciation from their Men should increase their capacity to, first notice the difference in their women today and yesterday, and then appreciate his woman's beauty.
Men develop ego and anger when his woman compares his valour with that of another man, be it her father or her brother. Women should start appreciating men's small acts of bravery.
Men and women have separate vocabularies and dictionaries. When a woman says, "The house is always dirty and I'm tired" , she actually wants her man to assist her in cleaning the house. But, what a man understands is, "You always make the home dirty and I'm tired of clearing the mess you created".
Both should develop a clear understanding of each other's vocabularies.
Relationship myths are endless and sometimes comical. If a man, touches a woman emotionally, he gets access to touch her physically. A story will help understanding this.
A couple got married, both were strangers. Both were very shy that they didn't touch each other even after weeks of being together. Every day, while returning home, the man would buy her jasmine, which she loves and adorns her hair with. One day she got her menses and called him over the phone, and asked him not to buy jasmine (bleeding women, should not wear jasmines), in a gloomy voice. Understanding her inconvenience, he came home earlier. She was lying tired on the bed. He put down everything and came to her, sat silently by her side and adorned her lock with the Roses he bought, which said her softly said that, "I'm there for you". She was touched. Then he pressed her arms and feet with love and atmost affection. She was shy but she could not stop him, because she loved his warmth. Thus, they lived happily thereafter.
Dear men! Please learn the art of touching without your fingers.
Boost your immunity with your thoughts !
Yoga is a universal immune booster. Medicines relieve the body from a disease but does not make it immune. Yoga is an ancient art that relaxes the muscles and mind. Unlike medicine, yoga is a precautionary measure to keep the immune system healthy and fight diseases that may come in future. Yoga does not directly boost the immune system but reduces the stress hormones that suppress immunity.
Some yoga poses that improve your immune system are sphinx pose, chair pose, backbend pose, eagle pose, triangle pose, happy baby pose, tortoise pose and cobra pose.
*These poses are to be learnt only from a certified trainer.
Do you think your mind and your body are two separate entities ? If your answer is yes, you are wrong. Mental well-being plays the major role in one’s physical health. For your immune system to be ever blooming, you should keep your mind positive. What you think, you become !says the law of attraction. If you are an optimist, no virus can attack you and even if it causes a disease it will soon leave your body. Recent studies have said that germs cannot thrive in a copper plate for a longer time. Do you know why ? because copper is positive! Stay positive, stay active !
The Law of attraction can be a great mental exercise for your immune system to stay vital !
The law of attraction states that, whatever you think of, focus on, read about and talk about intensely, you are going to attract more of into your life !
One can attract a refreshing immune system with the law of attraction. So, if you are sick, whether it is common cold or any hereditary or so called incurable disease, your thoughts can cure them. You can find your skin glowing when you mind is brimming with happiness and positivity. From this you can infer that your mind please a noteworthy role in your physical wellbeing.
Visualisation exercises which come under the law of attraction can also help you with your immunity! Visualise yourself in the pink of health and you will be! Remain positive, spread positivity and stay healthy!
# NO CORONA CAN KILL A POSITIVE THINKER !
NO BEST VACCINE CAN SAVE A NEGATIVE THINKER !
PLEASE FIND “ATTACHED”- THROUGH THE CHILD’S PERSPECTIVE
Humans have an innate tendency to bond with people. Be it our friendships, relationships with partners, formations of relations mainly revolves around the attachment that we form. It all starts from the childhood. Attachment is a deep enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another across time and space (Ainsworth, 1973; Bowlby,1969). Various theorists have looked into attachment and formed their own theories. However, this article will look into foundational theories that were given by Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby.
Edward John Mostyn Bowlby, simply known as John Bowlby, was a British psychologist, psychiatrist and a psychoanalyst who is known to be the father of Attachment theory. He was primarily influenced by the School of Cybernetics which is basically a school of communication.
According to him, the basic nature of attachment focuses on 3 things in infants:
This system manifests in 3 ways:
1)Seeking, monitoring and trying to maintain proximity to the attachment figure: This happens in the form of clinging, crying, calling, crawling to the attachment figure in order to establish security.
2)Using attachment figure as a secure base: Here the attachment figure provides an environment of protection and security so that the child feels safe enough to explore the environment effectively. This is called secure base. If the parents or attachment figure fail to establish the secure base, the exploration ceases.
3)Seeking attachment figure as a safe haven during moments of danger or harm: External threats or separation from attachment figure (usually mother) can trigger anxiety and proximity seeking behaviour. Thus the availability of the caregiver is not just for physical proximity but also for seeking comfort from the caregiver. This availability is defined in terms of how the child appraises it.
His work was mainly focused on delinquent homeless children the initial reaction for any traumatic reaction was protest, despair and detachment.
Like Bowlby was the father of attachment theory, well Mary Ainsworth can be called the mother, because psychology is gender neutral, right? Okay! Jokes apart. According to her, parent child interactions are likely to produce secure attachment or varieties of insecure attachment. This security is determined by the communication between caregiver and the child.
She conducted a research where she created a make belief situation, where there was a stranger, the mother and the child. This research is also called strange situation experiment. The child was there with mother in a room playing with toys. Suddenly the mother was told to go away and buy groceries.. just kidding.. no just sent out and the stranger was told to go in. The child was left alone with the stranger. Now obviously the child would start crying. The mother came back and stranger went, again mother went and stranger came and so on and so forth. According to her, one thing that was significant was the reaction of the child when he sees the mother back and that determined the kind of attachment style both engaged in. Now they are of 2 types:
Passive Children tend to faint or are too afraid to approach their mother directly. But this reunion neither relieved the distress about exploring freely nor their preoccupation with their mother’s whereabouts.
Mary Main described another form of attachment style which is called Disorganised or disoriented pattern. These responses were bizarre and contradictory. She observed that upon reunion, they froze in a place or collapsed on the floor. It is different from ambivalent style as the responses are uncanny and bizarre. It also shows up when the parental figure appears frightened as well as frightening to the child.
Secure attachment boosts self-esteem, greater competence and greater resilience and concentration. However, Insecure attachment leads to development of disorders which mainly include personality disorders later in the adulthood.
Hence it is highly important have a check into the kind of bond that you form with your child. Integrating Bowlby and Ainsworth’s theories, ideally, we all should be able to foster secure attachment with our children so that he/she gets proper environment for exploration. Too much protection will not even allow the child to explore the environment and will impede the development of the child. Lack of secure environment will not allow the child to have a protected environment and the child might engage in further risk taking behaviours. This can be further be studied along with parenting styles.
VanDijken, S. (1998). John Bowlby: His Early Life: A Biographical Journey into the Roots of Attachment Theory. London: Free Association Books
Berk, L. E. (2017). Child development. Noida, India: Pearson India.
KEEPING IN TOUCH WITHOUT TOUCHING
With the outbreak of the COVID-19, there has been an unprecedented augment in the amount of cases which has led to a lot of anxiety among people. There have been a lot of social media posts on quarantining being the need of the hour. In the current situation where we are acquainting ourselves with the word “social distancing”, people are staying away from those who have been tested positive for COVID-19. Such victims are being subjected to a lot of verbal and emotional abuse, where they are being blamed and boycotted. They also experience a lot of loneliness as a result of being abandoned by their close friends, relatives and acquaintances after they are diagnosed. Such a vitriolic behaviour adds to their psychological distress, when they are battling for their life.
While physical health is being a huge matter of concern for the masses, mental health is also being a matter of speculation during this pandemic. A lot of articles have come up with guru mantras on how to be productive during self-quarantining. Various mental health professionals have also come up with tips for clients with anxiety disorders on how to stay calm during this phase. However it is also important to understand the emotional plight of the victims and help them deal with it so much so that it doesn’t become an additional problem for them.
This kind of distress is not only onto the victims themselves, but also family members. I know a friend who is constantly distressed about his mother getting the virus, since he feels she is quite old and vulnerable. Hence this blog is not just about maintaining a proper mental health for your oneself but also for your own family members or friends’ family members during the this time of global crisis.
According to Stephen Porges who developed the Polyvagal Theory, there is another magical neural pathway apart from the activating and the relaxing ones; this is called Social Engagement system. This system can do both the tasks together. Engaging in social interactions with close ones can also produce a calming response in our body. This principle can be applied for the victims who are being subjected to emotional distress. Below are some ways we, as “asymptomatic” individuals can ensure during this self-quarantine phase for our loved ones battling against coronavirus:
Now before storming onto me, I understand that it is difficult to follow all the seven tips that I have listed but if you start with one, it will not only make the other person happy but also you happy. In a time, where it is difficult to find out a new activity to engage in or pass time every day, self-quarantining can be made productive and happier through this. After all, humans are social animals and in order to ensure healthy physical as well as mental functioning, socialisation is paramount. In this time, where the virus is proudly spreading its troop, let’s pledge to ensure safety in terms of mental and physical health for not only ourselves, but for our well wishers as well as for victims. Stay home and stay safe.
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